Ereaders Causing Cancer?

I received this note yesterday from my pal Eddie (celebrated author and welder):

With every technological advance comes a down-side. And the burgeoning popularity of Ereaders is no exception.  Hence it comes as no surprise that, indeed, Ereaders can cause cancer.

At least among laboratory mice.  But dedicated researchers at Tennessee’s Terminal Cancer Research and Welding Institute hasten to assure us that the type of cancers developed depend entirely on what kind of Ebooks the mice are reading.

For example, bespectacled mice reading scientific manuals have shown outbreaks of brain tumors.  Blue-eyed male white mice, subsisting on a literary diet of Ebook chick-lit, have shown spikes in the incidence of testicular cancer.  Mature lab rodents immersing themselves in an Ereader study guide of John Steinbeck’s Of Mice and Men developed urinary tract tumors.  And so it goes: courageous furry little labsters perusing their tiny tablets for the benefit of all mankind.

Researchers report the Ereader-attributed cancer incidence is apparently equal across all brands of tablets.

Fortunately, the mice have not been left to suffer with their conditions.  All of the test subjects recover fully after they were put on strict diets of pureed Grace Metalious Peyton Place remainders.

So indulge yourself in your Ereader content without qualm.  You are not a mouse—so your chances of falling ill from these new gadgets are nil. At least that’s according to those pros at the Tennessee Institute for Terminal Cancer and Welding.